Warning: F* Bombs ahead. Lots of them.
Today is my birthday. It’s tempting to create an annual bucket list, instead, I made a fuck-it list.
Here are 36 things I’m not going to do anymore, in honor of, you know, turning 29.
- Giving a shit about my age. Kidding. I never did.
- Feeling guilty – for real. Pretty sure. This one is hard you guys.
- Apologizing. Unless of course, it actually was my fault.
- Saying, “I don’t have time”. This is the same thing as saying I’m busy. Instead, I’ll just say it doesn’t align with my goals, or mercury, or whatever. (PS – Mercury retrograde ends today – thank GOD!)
- Stop trying to drink less wine. “I’ll only drink on weekends” – said no mother and no happy person ever.
- Feeling bad about paying a house cleaner. I fired the last maid because she lied about cleaning the toilets and refused to use my homemade hippie cleaners. So I’m
been doing it myself not doing it at all.
- Staring at my phone while my kids are talking to me.
- Apologizing for not being vegan anymore.
- Stop trying to like zombie movies and horror movies. Pass the HGTV please!
- Saying “no” so much. I’m not saying I’m all yeses up in here. Just paying attention to the no’s.
- Feeling bad about not finishing a project, a book, or a movie. If it sucks, I’m moving on.
- Judging. Okay, maybe next year. Judging out loud anyway.
- Making everyone happy. People can be mad sometimes, it builds character.
- Pretending to be happy when I’m not. There’s nothing wrong with being pissed off sometimes.
- Embracing mundane tasks. Even Oprah has to put deodorant on and put dishes in the dishwasher, maybe she doesn’t need to pick up dog shit, but we all do these things every day.
- Telling the kids to “hurry up”. They’re going to turn into grown-ups that are always hurrying up. I don’t want that.
Swearing. Fuck that.
- Trying to lean in and do it all. I’m going to lay down.
- Obligations. That twist in my gut when I’m saying yes and I really want to say no. Nope, not gonna do it.
- Making goals for the sake of making goals.
- Running a marathon. It hurts, and unless I can write and run – I don’t want to do it.
- Meditate. Seriously, I give up. My kids, dog, and cats can hear my eyelids opening.
- Small talk. Go deep or go home.
- Worrying about money. Can’t take it with you when you go!
- Trying to “settle down” and find my, “forever home”. Digital nomad.
- Attempting to pee in the woods.
- Gardening. I reaped one tomato this year you guys. ONE. And I didn’t even get to eat it, I presume our neighborhood raccoon enjoyed it.
- Working late. Kidding! Already screwed this one.
- Fighting my introvertedness and forcing myself to be around people when I don’t want to be.
- Not having purple hair.
- Wondering, “do I really need another notebook?” Yes. Yes I do.
- Trying to read fiction.
- Anything to do with the words, “maintenance” or “home improvement”
- Ordinary. Keeping it weird.
My birthday wish is that you tear up your to-do list and make a fuck-it list instead.
Me. Zero Fucks Given with a Dumb Ass Headband that I Obviously don’t know how to use.
It’s my bookiversary! Totally not a thing, but run with this for a second with me, will you?
Last year, on this date, I published my first book – Unfussy Mom: Simplifying your life, staying [mostly] sane, and working like a boss. I’ve learned A LOT since then.
- Some people are surprised when they learn I wrote a book, they’re all, “Why didn’t you tell me?” and I’m all, “Oh hi, I’m Jacq and I wrote a book, wanna be my friend?”
- Talking about my book hasn’t gotten any easier.
- I had a lofty goal of publishing one book a year. Lofty is right, there’s no book this year – but there are two 10,000 word drafts in my “books in progress” folder, some cool guest posts, a few writing nights, speaking gigs, and lots and lots of writing and ghostwriting.
- Asking people to review your book is even more uncomfortable than telling people I wrote one. I did it once and never did it again.
- All the smart authors know that you shouldn’t read reviews. I only have 5 reviews, and yes, I did read them – because, curiosity. They’re all good but one. One was a PBCAC issue (problem between computer and chair).
- Just keep writing. It doesn’t matter how good it is.
- I still don’t want to do a book signing because – what if no one shows up? Very real possibility you guys.
- My book is not mine, and it’s not my baby. At first, I looked at Unfussy Mom like giving birth to a baby. This was totally wrong. It’s not a baby. Elizabeth Gilbert in an interview said you could punch her book in the face and it wouldn’t hurt its feelings. You wouldn’t punch a baby. My book is not my baby. Punch it in the groin. Punch it in the face. No one gets hurt.
- I didn’t write it for you. I wrote it for me. Writing is cheap therapy. I just decided to publish it for you to read – if you so desire.
- Publishing a book doesn’t make you an instant millionaire. Ah, snap!
On that note, you can get the Unfussy Mom eBook for free ALL motherloving week long. Tell your best friend, tell your sister, tell your brother. Just kidding – don’t tell your brother – this book isn’t really for him. Get it here.
Happy Friday! Here are some quick and dirty (spicy too!) things to check out this morning before you dive head first into work!
I swear Mommypotamus’ fire cider saved my ass from getting sick last year. I had exactly ONE cold during last year’s cold and flu season. This elixir, plus daily echinacea, probiotics, kombucha, increased vitamin C, and D kept me healthy. I just finished my first cold of the season (pre-fire cider) earlier this week – thanks preschool germies! Hope that’ll be the first and last for the season!
Are we friends on Goodreads? It’s like Facebook for book nerds. I like using it to track the books I’ve read – especially helpful when I’m recommending a book that’s on the tip of my tongue and I can’t remember the title. My 2015 reading list? Right here. I’m at 37 books so far for 2016.
Antiquing is my new favorite thing. Found this typewriter – I’m reinking it (pray for me!) so Jacob can write his book.
Also found some awesome new jewelry. The minimalist in me wears very little, and I, of course, love things that serve a purpose – jewelry included. Here’s my new quartz and ruby necklace (did you know raw ruby is purple? I didn’t!) from Amy Kae Atelier (french for “workshop”).
Here’s the best stuff I wasted my time with ogling on the internet this week. Enjoy these before heading out this weekend!
(1) I pretty much only drink wine and port, and if I smell boozy things I dry heave, apparently this is because I “ruined” my palate on shitty booze when I was young and dumb. That’s what the guys from Bar Reviver podcast have to say – plus a lot of other cool stuff.
(2) Does the phrase, “team up with a partner” give you palm sweats? Me too. That’s why I wrote this. We don’t always need to be on a team you guys.
(3) BBQing this weekend? The #1 tip for grill masters isn’t a tip at all. It’s so easy but we all eff it up.
(4) September is the best month of the year. Not because of the “F” word. I promise not to drop a single pumpkin-orange-leaf-ahhh-fall statement on you this year. It’s the best month because it’s my birthday. Here are some cool ways to celebrate yours. I’ll be borrowing a few of these for mine.
(5) To keep eighty-million balls that are running a family, a biz and everything that goes along with it, I mainly rely on Google calendar. I have half a dozen categories, and if it’s not on my Google calendar, it doesn’t exist. I use another system for my daily tasks and it helps me get the important shit done. There’s no other way I’d be able to work full time, write blogs here, on LinkedIn, and on other sites, teach writing workshops, write a book, make art, and show up at almost every hockey practice. The Desire Map. It’s secret diary + day planner. It’s hefty and beautiful, and I use it every single day. The 2017 collection is out now, I just ordered the daily edition. There’s also a weekly version if you like the 10,000-foot view of things. (PS – these are affiliate links – I get a kickback if you buy one).